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You do not have to tolerate being subjected to bullying,
harassment, blame, humiliation, and/or having rumors
spread about you while going through a divorce.
Run an internet search for high conflict personality disorder and you will find a number of articles that describe the disorder and offer suggestions on how to confront it. A high conflict personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by a pattern of intense, repetitive conflict in relationships which creates chaos in the individual’s life.
If your spouse has an ongoing pattern of all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behavior or threats, and a preoccupation with blaming others, he or she may have a high-conflict personality.
What is High-Conflict Personality Disorder
High conflict personality is often associated with a cluster of symptoms such as grandiosity, impulsivity, rage, paranoia, and fear of abandonment. Individuals with a high-conflict personality are often unwilling to accept responsibility for their actions and are easily triggered into high levels of anger in situations where they feel slighted or misunderstood.
The following behaviors are common in a person with a high-conflict personality:
Exaggerated emotions
Repeatedly inappropriate behavior
A penchant for turning minor problems into major disputes
A need to always have someone to blame
Whether you encounter a high-conflict personality at work, in a close friendship or in your spouse, you will have to develop strategies for communicating effectively in such a way that does not allow that person the opportunity to raise the level of conflict.
Rules for Communication with High Conflict Personalities
When you know that you are dealing with a person who is prone to instigate conflict, your first instinct will likely be to avoid contact with that person altogether, but you may not be able to do so if you are attempting to litigate a divorce or negotiate a dissolution.
Even if you can avoid the individual altogether, what happens after your divorce or dissolution is final? How will you communicate with your ex-spouse if you are legally obligated to co-parent minor children? These ground rules for communication may help:
Limit your interactions to written communication, with the exception of an emergency involving the children
Do not use degrading language, name calling, criticism or profanity
Do not place blame
Deal only with present situations
Once a parenting time schedule has been agreed upon, avoid making changes to it
Exchange the children in a neutral, public place
Realize that you may have to set personal boundaries too when it comes to dealing with a high conflict person, especially in parenting situations. Rather than investing your energy in trying to win the battle, try to focus your attention on making sure you are meeting the needs of your children. It takes two to tango and if one party chooses to disengage from the conflict, the other party will have no one to fight with.
Get Experienced Legal Help if Your Spouse
has a High Conflict Personality
Christopher M. Alexander has 25 years of experience litigating divorce and negotiating dissolution with individuals who have a high-conflict personality. Christopher M. Alexander is adept at finding constructive ways to reduce the level of conflict which in turn opens lines of communication. When you need a knowledgeable family law lawyer, contact Christopher M. Alexander, Esq. at (513) 228 – 1100 or chris@alexander-legal.com.